Key Points:
Personal experience
Be a good listener
Anticipate their needs and offer help
Instill hope for a better future
Encourage them to seek professional help
Personal Experience
The advice given within this blog is just that, advice. None of these methods are tried and true and work the same for everyone. Being a good support system for friends depends on who your friend is. Lots of the advice given in this blog is based on what I found to be the most effective when I had a loved one in the hospital. I spent months on end in the hospital supporting my loved one, and because of it, I was a first-hand witness to many of these ways that friends want to support you. Some are more effective than others, but the main thing to remember is that even if the support is not exactly to your needs, they are doing their best and want to show you that they are there for you, and that is ultimately the best support.
1. Be a Good Listener
When a friend has a family member who is sick and in the hospital, the way they cope is based on who they are. This is one of the most important things to remember when trying to support them. It is very easy to support them in the way you would want to be supported if it were you, but you need to think about who they are, and what they would want. The easiest thing you can always do is offer your ear by saying something as simple as “I’m here for you if you want to talk”. People will respond very differently to this and it is your job to be ok with that and not force them to talk if they do not want to. You also must be prepared to have hard conversations in these times. Someone may take your comment and instantly start telling you the whole story and how they feel, it is important to not force any information out of them though. You can achieve this by asking open-ended questions which is one way you can stay engaged in the conversation and show that you truly care about them and their sick loved one. Questions such as, “How does this all make you feel?”, and “Is there anything the doctors can do or are doing?” are always safe to ask. They may not give you much detail in their answer or they may give a long conversation for each. To reiterate, it is very important to take their response at face value and not try to force more or less out of them, after all, they're the one who is coping, not you.
2. Anticipate Their Needs and Offer Help
In times such as supporting family members in the hospital it can make menial tasks a much larger burden than they normally would be. Offering to do some of these tasks is a great way to support someone. Cooking a homemade meal for them is a very appreciated gesture. When someone is spending many hours a day in the hospital caring for their loved one, sometimes the last thing they want to do is come home and cook dinner. Supplying and organizing the delivery and drop-off of meals is a very easy yet majorly impactful way to help a friend. A second task that is similar to cooking meals is going grocery shopping for your friend, making sure they have easy snacks to eat at home is important for them but they may not want to deal with the hassle of the grocery store. Providing this small service again seems just that, but can make a huge impact on your struggling friend. For my last suggestion, one thing that also can be nice is providing cleaning services or personally cleaning their house for them. When you are spending every day at the hospital and not at home, houses can get somewhat dirty, and coming home to a clean house is just one little boost that can help someone feel that much better. There are so many small tasks you can do for your friends but these were some that I thought to be the easiest and most impactful.
3. Instill Hope for a Better Future
This section can be a little bit tricky but if you can do it effectively it is a great way to support a friend. You want to stay away from generic or cliche comments such as “They’ll be better in no time” or “They’ve got this” but rather make it a little more personal. Comments such as “[Name] has always been a fighter, you know they’re doing just that” or “They’ve got so many good friends and family supporting them” are things that show how hopeful things can be. Another important thing with this section is to not give false hopes. It is easy to say things such as “They’ll be back better than ever” or things along those lines but it is important to stay real with your friends. They have probably thought more in depth of the realistic outcomes and they know what they can and can't expect.
4. Encourage Them to Seek Professional Help
Depending on the person you’re supporting this task may be very easy or a little more challenging. Some people are very open to accepting professional help, while others may feel less inclined to do so. Talking with a professional can be very useful for many people and it is important to make sure your friend knows there is no shame in doing so, they’re professionals for a reason, they are very good at what they do. Receiving professional help can be one of the most powerful coping mechanisms for someone struggling. Being able to share their thoughts and feelings in a safe environment can be very powerful in coping with their feelings. Not to say that friends aren’t a good space to talk about their feelings but professionals know how to address and identify unhealthy coping mechanisms and have years of experience helping people find healthy alternatives.
Final Takeaways
Again, I want to reiterate that the content of this post is all suggestions, there may be better or more effective ways to support your friends than these methods, but I have found these to be some of the most effective in my personal experience. As I said earlier in the article, the key to giving the best support is knowing who you are supporting and who they are on a physical and emotional level.
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